opinion on paper

[loka]

I have this paper due tomorrow for my criminology class and I'm just about finished, but I'd like some feedback...if you feel like reading its 12 pages long and it's about media influence in teen violence and social learning theory...its a doc if you're wondering. let me kow

[MoTown]

i'd like to read that. I'm doing my minor in criminology. You can email it to me mjohn105@fau.edu. Ive been sick lately so I'll actually have the time to read it

[MoTown]

I just read your paper and overall I thought it was pretty decent and interesting, but there were a few things that stuck out at me. I felt that your introduction was a little too long and I could not find the thesis of your paper. I wasn't really sure what it was exactly that you were attempting to get at. I think my biggest issue was that to me the paper seemed to jump around a lot. You shifted your focus from what you were talking about just to return back to the previous subject afterwards. For example, you briefly explained what social learning theory was on the second page and then again on page 4 you began to talk about it again. Things like this made it somewhat hard to follow along. I did like how you offered arguments against the theory in that not all are affected the same and the arguments against the experiment. Like I said earlier I couldn't really attempt to get at what your paper was trying to prove or argue for/against. But I also didn't know what the assignment was so that could explain that. Good luck with it though. Hope you get a nice grade out of it.

[ROOFCUTTER]

Damn after that I want to read it too! can you post a link? if not...Roofcutter@hotmail.com

[loka]

[quote="MoTown";p="7569"]I just read your paper and overall I thought it was pretty decent and interesting, but there were a few things that stuck out at me. I felt that your introduction was a little too long and I could not find the thesis of your paper. I wasn't really sure what it was exactly that you were attempting to get at. I think my biggest issue was that to me the paper seemed to jump around a lot. You shifted your focus from what you were talking about just to return back to the previous subject afterwards. For example, you briefly explained what social learning theory was on the second page and then again on page 4 you began to talk about it again. Things like this made it somewhat hard to follow along. I did like how you offered arguments against the theory in that not all are affected the same and the arguments against the experiment. Like I said earlier I couldn't really attempt to get at what your paper was trying to prove or argue for/against. But I also didn't know what the assignment was so that could explain that. Good luck with it though. Hope you get a nice grade out of it.[/quote]

the topic of the paper was about how you can link a specific theory we had learned this semester to specific crimes that have happened...

so for example i chose how social learning can effect juvenile violence, but i also pointed out in the outline i gave to my professor how social learning theory can be overly used to prove how violent teens are, and so there has to be more than just social learning theory and then tying in what happened in columbine with what happened in the dawson college shooting in montreal this year.

i know what you're talking about though in it was a little hard to follow. i myself was having trouble trying to not throw any opinions on the subject, but nontheless i felt i actually did well in that part of the matter...

we'll see what i get within the next week

and sent roofy