Piratey Humour!

A place to discuss Pirates, Vikings and Knights
Bloody Violet Flame
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Piratey Humour!

Post by Bloody Violet Flame » Tue Sep 16, 2008 2:28 pm

Q. Did ya hear bout' teh pirrates who raidd' eh ship n' evn' stole teh bathtub?



A. Teh wantd' teh make a clean get away!

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Post by Bloody Violet Flame » Tue Sep 16, 2008 2:30 pm

A pirate was standing on the crow's nest and then he slipped and fell. He fell through the first floor, then he fell through the second floor, then he fell through the third floor and hit the bottom floor of the ship!

The first mate comes up to him and asks "Are ye all right matey?"

The pirate replies, "Arrr, yes... I've been through hardship before!"

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Re: Piratey Humour!

Post by JohnCarterofMars » Tue Sep 16, 2008 3:47 pm

AAYYYYEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

:drinking: :drinking: :drinking:
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Post by shimmybot » Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:22 pm

oh man those are bad! :lol:

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Post by !B a T m A n! » Tue Sep 16, 2008 10:18 pm

:lol:
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Post by Bloody Violet Flame » Wed Sep 17, 2008 1:24 pm

A Pirates Tale

An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies, "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me out, a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg off."

"Blimey!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?"

"Ahhhh...," mused the pirate, "we were boardin' a trader ship, pistols blastin' and swords swingin' this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off."

"Zounds!" remarked the seaman. "And how came ye by the eye patch?"

"A seagull droppin' fell into me eye," answered the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well," said the pirate, "it was me first day with the hook."

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Post by Bloody Violet Flame » Wed Sep 17, 2008 1:26 pm

The Ships Captain

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up. Afterwards, he would go about his daily duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents
of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper; two lines with two words each:

Port Left
Starboard Right

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Post by Bloody Jim Silver » Wed Sep 17, 2008 6:01 pm

Yarr Yarr Yarr, those be good ones Violet!
Prepare to be boarded!!

[img]http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd218/thevillepirates/artpirate200.jpg?t=1190173715[/img]

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Post by shimmybot » Thu Sep 18, 2008 5:12 am

[quote="Bloody Violet Flame";p="120622"]
The Ships Captain

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up. Afterwards, he would go about his daily duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents
of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper; two lines with two words each:

Port Left
Starboard Right
[/quote]

:lol: that actually made me laugh pretty hard :rofl:

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Post by !B a T m A n! » Thu Sep 18, 2008 9:08 am

[quote="shimmybot";p="120731"][quote="Bloody Violet Flame";p="120622"]
The Ships Captain

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up. Afterwards, he would go about his daily duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents
of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper; two lines with two words each:

Port Left
Starboard Right
[/quote]

:lol: that actually made me laugh pretty hard :rofl:[/quote]


..i dont .get it :?
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Post by Dirty Sam Flint » Thu Sep 18, 2008 9:10 am

[quote="Bloody Jim Silver";p="120660"]Yarr Yarr Yarr, those be good ones Violet![/quote]

Yarr! I must agree! Now back to pillagin the 'illes gold..
[img]http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g309/rmiles-08/Sam.jpg[/img]

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Post by M_G_P » Thu Sep 18, 2008 10:35 am

[quote="!B a T m A n!";p="120756"][quote="shimmybot";p="120731"][quote="Bloody Violet Flame";p="120622"]
The Ships Captain

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up. Afterwards, he would go about his daily duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents
of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper; two lines with two words each:

Port Left
Starboard Right
[/quote]

:lol: that actually made me laugh pretty hard :rofl:[/quote]


..i dont .get it :?[/quote]

me neither
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Post by Masakari » Thu Sep 18, 2008 11:23 am

I get it.... :D
I am the 1%!

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Post by shimmybot » Thu Sep 18, 2008 12:52 pm

[quote="M_G_P";p="120773"]
[quote="!B a T m A n!";p="120756"][quote="shimmybot";p="120731"][quote="Bloody Violet Flame";p="120622"]
The Ships Captain

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up. Afterwards, he would go about his daily duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents
of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper; two lines with two words each:

Port Left
Starboard Right
[/quote]

:lol: that actually made me laugh pretty hard :rofl:[/quote]


..i dont .get it :?[/quote]

me neither
[/quote]


It's because port and starboard are common sea fairing terms. One that every pirate should know. And in this joke, the pirate captain obviously doesn't know the difference, so thats why in secrecy he'll read that note reminding him :P

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Post by M_G_P » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:02 pm

[quote="shimmybot";p="120795"][quote="M_G_P";p="120773"]
[quote="!B a T m A n!";p="120756"][quote="shimmybot";p="120731"][quote="Bloody Violet Flame";p="120622"]
The Ships Captain

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up. Afterwards, he would go about his daily duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents
of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper; two lines with two words each:

Port Left
Starboard Right
[/quote]

:lol: that actually made me laugh pretty hard :rofl:[/quote]


..i dont .get it :?[/quote]

me neither
[/quote]


It's because port and starboard are common sea fairing terms. One that every pirate should know. And in this joke, the pirate captain obviously doesn't know the difference, so thats why in secrecy he'll read that note reminding him :P[/quote]

:?
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