Piratey Humour!

A place to discuss Pirates, Vikings and Knights
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Post by Bloody Violet Flame » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:17 am

Red Shirt

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!”. The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!”. The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?”. The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid”. The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my brown pants!!

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Post by Bloody Violet Flame » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:18 am

Halloween

A little boy dresses up as a pirate for halloween. He has a bit of a speech impediment. The first house he goes to he says, “I’m a birate. This is my barrot. Can I have some bandy?”

The woman looks at him and says, “My my aren’t you cute. But where are your buccaneers?”

The boy looks at her angrily and says “On the side of my buckin head you buckin’ dumbass.”

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Post by Bloody Violet Flame » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:19 am

Pirate in a Bar

A guy walks into a pub with a t-shirt that says “Pirates are stupid for 3 reasons!” He walks up to the bar, orders an ale. and sits down. He no more than gets his quaff when a smelly old sot comes up to him and says, “Aaargh, thar, matey! What’s that yer shirt be sayin’ thar?”

The guy looks around, looks the man straight in the eyes (well, in his one good eye, anyway), and says “Reason number 1 — Pirates can’t read!” Then he turns around to enjoy his beverage.

Not used to this sort of disrespect, the surly gent takes his hooked arm, lays it aggressively on the man’s shoulder, and slowly says, “What’s that ye be sayin’ thar, sonny-boy?”

The guy looks around again, looks his aggressor square in the eye this time, and enunciates, “Rea-son num-ber 2 — Pirates can’t hear!” And again, he turns around to face the bar.

Well, by this time, the old codger has had enough. He backs up, pulls his sword, and growls, “Aaaaargh, ye bilge rat, that be enuff of yer sass! Stand up and fight, ye lubber, yer soon to be acquainted with Davy Jones, his-self!”

With that, the guy stands up, pulls his pistol, and shoots the pirate dead through his one good eye. He drops his head as he watches him fall, sighs, and says, “Reason #3 — You pirates are constantly bringing swords to gunfights!”

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Post by Bloody Violet Flame » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:20 am

And lastly…

To err is human.
To ARRR is pirate.

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Post by LadeeeDuke » Fri Sep 19, 2008 4:48 pm

LOL! It took me a minute to get some of these. Good stuff!

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Post by CastleDoctrine » Sat Sep 20, 2008 12:35 pm

[quote="LadeeeDuke";p="121057"]LOL! It took me a minute to get some of these. Good stuff![/quote] :think: :liar: :naughty:

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Post by LadeeeDuke » Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:27 pm

LOL! SHHHHHHH! (NEVER TELL YOUR SECRET IDENTITY! Now, I will have to kill castle doctrine, he knows too much!)

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Post by CastleDoctrine » Sat Sep 20, 2008 8:15 pm

[quote="LadeeeDuke";p="121184"]LOL! SHHHHHHH! (NEVER TELL YOUR SECRET IDENTITY! Now, I will have to kill castle doctrine, he knows too much!)[/quote](Castle Doctrine quietly signs out of teh Ville, then proceeds to run for life! :aaaah: )

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