I glance about with dismay, noticing no source of food or water nearby, lest I decide to slate my thirst with saltwater or my hunger with dried, rotten fish washed upon the beach. "I haven't reached Plinko's level yet", I tell myself. The thought is cheerful, and warms my heart as I realize I still possess some measure of self-respect and cunning.
I walk with purposeful stride into the woods along the dirt road. Once safely under cover of canopy from the capricious wind and incoming rain, I tie my slightly soaked white cotton shirt into a knot, exposing my hairy and paunched belly, belying my age as I approach middle-adulthood.
Using the butt of my revolver, I crush the aspirin and mix it with some of the stagnant water found on the woodland floor into a bit of paste, and spread it on my face in an attempt to form of a bit of primitive foundation. I find a berry bush nearby and set quickly to work crushing the berries and applying a compote of their juice to form some rogue onto my cheeks. Mixing the compote with clay, I apply that mixture to my lips. "Maybe its maybeline....or maybe I was born with it", I chuckle to myself, admiring my dolled up countenance in the muddy forest puddle.
I next look around for some type of cutting utensil, to fashion my jeans into lowcut home made jean shirt shorts, but finding none, I sigh to myself in exasperation that I will not be able to highlight my best assets. "No, matter", I murmur slightly under my breath, "you still got it, girl."
Letting out a small sigh of satisfaction, I begin walking down the dirt road until I spot what looks to be a deserted vehicle in on the side of the road. A flat tire lies next to it, and its back left wheel has been jacked up, exposing a wheel less rim. The trunk is empty, but inside I find a boxcutter.
I quickly go to work on my jeans and soon I am wearing a pair of low cut, homemade jean shirts, my hairy pale legs stick proudly out the leg holes.
"Perfect...now all I do is wait" I chuckle to myself. Settling myself down next to the car, I bide my time. A few hours pass as I wearily scan the horizon, looking both north and south along the road, waiting. Light begins to fade, and I begin to have a small measure of doubt...but wait! I hear the noise of a car engine!
I quickly jump to my feet and lean my arms over the hood of the car as I hear a truck slow and begin to pause; a slight shriek of the brakes announce that it has come to a stop 30 feet behind me, its headlights pointed towards me and car. Dust motes dance in the light.
"What seems to be the trouble, miss?" a voice announces from behind me. "Tee-hee, I appear to have some car trouble", I announce in a high voice as I turn around and face the parked truck, its lights bathing me harshly. "Well I reckon we can look and see what the problem is" a man announces from the driver seat, a large grin on his face. He stares at me in rapt wonder, while a female passenger eyes me cattily from the passenger seat.
The man opens the car door and puts a shotgun he is carrying into the truck bed and begins to approach, bewildered by my beauty.
Suddenly my hand reaches into my back jeans pocket and grabs the revolver, flashing it towards the man instantly. My voice suddenly gruff and low announces "Don't come any closer. Empty your pockets and don't try any funny business!"
The man yelps in surprise, "You done tricked us! I thought you were an angel of the forest!" "Sorry pal, my friend Keyes taught me this trick. He uses it all the time to get free dinners from disembarking sailors".
The man and woman both comply. As I step into my new truck, I notice gallon jugs of water and ample food supplies in the backseat.
