need an excuse

[v.o.c]

were down to the last few days before Christmas and ive still not been out and got the wife a card. I can not say i forgot as the trees now been up for 3 weeks and thats an obvious reminder. So i need an excuse thats so strange it could well be belivable.

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Do you need a plausible excuse to get out of the house to get the card or a story for why you don't have one on Christmas?

You made the gift out of cookies and Santa ate it?
It's in the mail?
Luis Suarez from Liverpool FC was going to bring it by, but now that he is banned for 8 games, she won't get it on time? (ok that might be more specific to me)
In an effort to save trees (nevermind that you cut one down to put in your house) you aren't buying cards, just sending verbal well wishes?
You used an online card service this year and they recently updated their software which now crashes all attempts to get online to retrieve it?

[LadeeeDuke]

If I'm remembering correctly, aren't you playing Mr. Mom and tending her ailments? That would be excuse enough for me. BUT, I'm not your typical woman. Maybe you should fake a heart attack. She'll be so happy that you are alive she may just forget that you didn't get her a card.

[Peahats]

no need for an excuse...

Folded piece of paper + Crudely drawn "Mary Christmass" in Crayon. Easy as that!

[LadeeeDuke]

I LOVE IT, Peahats!

[BETTEH]

You were out to get a Christmas present last week when you were accosted by a gentleman in a top hat with an irish accent. He spoke of the end of the world in run-on sentences and even drew a parabola in the sky with his sugar cane pimp cane. He foretold a prophecy that one day, you mr carrot, would save the milky way as we know it from Patrick Cox, the ultimate tax master. For you see, Patrick Cox didn't get to his position through hard work and determination, oh no. Patrick Cox was sent to earth with the sole purpose of destroying our magnetic field so that we could be invaded by robotic hump back whales that have been keeping refuge in a galaxy far away. The robotic humpback whales had sensed keplars deep glare into outer space and was picked up by the whales only to hatch a master take over plan. You see the robotic hump back whales constantly send out there sonar calls into outer spayse hoping to get a ping back, WOOOAAAGRRHRHHHH WOOOOAARRGGHHHH, and this time it got for reals. So the robotic humpback whales got together with top robotic humpback whale scientists and built robotic tax master patrick cox and sent him to earth riding on a wave of humpback sonar waves. When he arrived on earth he blended in by growing a beard, and maintained his distance by dying his hair some nasty orange brown color. He has been living on earth ever since, waiting for his time to strike. When the time was right, he would let out a whooping whale call to all sea creatures on this earth to focus there sonar energy into the earths core to stop the rotation and shut down the magnetic field, and it would signal the beginning of the end. He said that you, and only you had the power to stop patrick cox, the tax master. Utterly flabergasted by what you had just heard, you promptly returned home and shut the windows and locked all the doors. You have waited this long to go out and Christmas shop because you have been meticulously plotting your attack on the evil patrick cox, the taxmaster. You must tell her that you are leaving immediately and pack a crossbow that shoots tazers, because that short circuits robo tax master patrick cox. Inform her that christmas shopping took a back seat to the fate of the world, but then look into her eyes and say, "The world can wait for you baby" and then high five her and go buy some presents. Then never speak of it again.

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

You were out to get a Christmas present last week when you were accosted by a gentleman in a top hat with an irish accent. He spoke of the end of the world in run-on sentences and even drew a parabola in the sky with his sugar cane pimp cane. He foretold a prophecy that one day, you mr carrot, would save the milky way as we know it from Patrick Cox, the ultimate tax master. For you see, Patrick Cox didn't get to his position through hard work and determination, oh no. Patrick Cox was sent to earth with the sole purpose of destroying our magnetic field so that we could be invaded by robotic hump back whales that have been keeping refuge in a galaxy far away. The robotic humpback whales had sensed keplars deep glare into outer space and was picked up by the whales only to hatch a master take over plan. You see the robotic hump back whales constantly send out there sonar calls into outer spayse hoping to get a ping back, WOOOAAAGRRHRHHHH WOOOOAARRGGHHHH, and this time it got for reals. So the robotic humpback whales got together with top robotic humpback whale scientists and built robotic tax master patrick cox and sent him to earth riding on a wave of humpback sonar waves. When he arrived on earth he blended in by growing a beard, and maintained his distance by dying his hair some nasty orange brown color. He has been living on earth ever since, waiting for his time to strike. When the time was right, he would let out a whooping whale call to all sea creatures on this earth to focus there sonar energy into the earths core to stop the rotation and shut down the magnetic field, and it would signal the beginning of the end. He said that you, and only you had the power to stop patrick cox, the tax master. Utterly flabergasted by what you had just heard, you promptly returned home and shut the windows and locked all the doors. You have waited this long to go out and Christmas shop because you have been meticulously plotting your attack on the evil patrick cox, the taxmaster. You must tell her that you are leaving immediately and pack a crossbow that shoots tazers, because that short circuits robo tax master patrick cox. Inform her that christmas shopping took a back seat to the fate of the world, but then look into her eyes and say, "The world can wait for you baby" and then high five her and go buy some presents. Then never speak of it again.

Holy cow! I don't NEED an excuse for anything right now, but I might just do something so I can use this.

[Checkm8]

You were out to get a Christmas present last week when you were accosted by a gentleman in a top hat with an irish accent. He spoke of the end of the world in run-on sentences and even drew a parabola in the sky with his sugar cane pimp cane. He foretold a prophecy that one day, you mr carrot, would save the milky way as we know it from Patrick Cox, the ultimate tax master. For you see, Patrick Cox didn't get to his position through hard work and determination, oh no. Patrick Cox was sent to earth with the sole purpose of destroying our magnetic field so that we could be invaded by robotic hump back whales that have been keeping refuge in a galaxy far away. The robotic humpback whales had sensed keplars deep glare into outer space and was picked up by the whales only to hatch a master take over plan. You see the robotic hump back whales constantly send out there sonar calls into outer spayse hoping to get a ping back, WOOOAAAGRRHRHHHH WOOOOAARRGGHHHH, and this time it got for reals. So the robotic humpback whales got together with top robotic humpback whale scientists and built robotic tax master patrick cox and sent him to earth riding on a wave of humpback sonar waves. When he arrived on earth he blended in by growing a beard, and maintained his distance by dying his hair some nasty orange brown color. He has been living on earth ever since, waiting for his time to strike. When the time was right, he would let out a whooping whale call to all sea creatures on this earth to focus there sonar energy into the earths core to stop the rotation and shut down the magnetic field, and it would signal the beginning of the end. He said that you, and only you had the power to stop patrick cox, the tax master. Utterly flabergasted by what you had just heard, you promptly returned home and shut the windows and locked all the doors. You have waited this long to go out and Christmas shop because you have been meticulously plotting your attack on the evil patrick cox, the taxmaster. You must tell her that you are leaving immediately and pack a crossbow that shoots tazers, because that short circuits robo tax master patrick cox. Inform her that christmas shopping took a back seat to the fate of the world, but then look into her eyes and say, "The world can wait for you baby" and then high five her and go buy some presents. Then never speak of it again.

This and comeback with a standard tax form (W-2 in U.S.) as proof.

[MrBlah]

I fell down a well, and the card got wet, so I left it there.

[<eVa> + Sarge +]

wait...why don't you pop down to the shoppes to actually buy her a card...

I still have to buy the Wife something as well...

[MateoTheBold!]

If you do not have something by Christmas, I would recommend asking the forums for the best methods of self-defense, NOT what is the best exscuse. If I recall, Mrs. VOC has a forum account; if she finds this thread (created 4 days before Christmas), you may need to start asking for the best methods of DIY first-aide.

[Soup Nazi]

I am certified in emergency medine, and there are many nurses/doctors who frequent the Ville... we got your back.

[LadeeeDuke]

Betteh and I are not held liable for any injury real or imagined that may result from Mrs. VOC seeing this thread. However, I am on call for any medical attention that may be needed after said viewing of said materials.

[THE Flying chihuahua]

I think he is actually trying to tell her in a really weird way.

[Rockn-Roll]

The truth is always best. The hard part is knowing what is actually true so you can use it. For example, I've been in your situation quite often. The reason being that the task at hand is to purchase something for someone who you "feel" doesn't lack anything. I don't think women really understand why men can't seem to find a gift...it's not like we don't look...we actually do, well...perhaps the auto parts store isn't the right place to be looking, but I'm trying to get a point across. A card probably doesn't say what you really wanted to say...like...uhm...I love you, or whatever. What if the card is just going to say something like, "You're OK...I suppose...so, here's a card because it's expected."

Buying anything for a woman is one of the most dangerous things a man has to face. That and answering the question, "how do I look?"