My wife told me she doesn't want to be with my anymore

[Mal.TVR]

So my wife has been having anxiety lately about my dog, Max, a pug. He was sick for about a month but it looks like we've got it under control as of today. Anyway, she's got such bad anxiety that she can't be in the house alone with him. Constantly worried that he'll be sick again, although he just had diahrea, no other problems. He also had a seizure once before and she's worried about that happening. I've taken care of him 100% while he was sick, and he's better now, yet she still has the anxiety. Anyway.

She refuses to get help for her anxiety, and I told her that she has to. We want children someday and if she's like this with the dog, then she'll probably be worse with a child. She realizes that fact and I think that's why she said she doesn't want to be with me anymore. She doesn't want me to have to be with someone who I can't have children with. But now if I tell her I love her she says "Don't say that stuff to me anymore". Is she trying to push me away? Is it really the anxiety or is there something underlying this whole situation? And most importantly does she really mean it? I don't know. She's 21, we've been married a year and a half.

I really want to just see her get better, I love her and I'm married to her, I want this to work. Any insights? Someone who's been through something like this before? A little moral support would be great. And no, you don't have to be an engineer to answer this question, lol.

[Ironwolf]

ho dear, I feel for you Mal, at least in some way. You could try to do things that motivate her in general.

I dunno but I wish you find an answer, I wish you all the best...

[Dirty Dan]

Disclaimer: I haven't gone through a situation like yours, that sounds frustrating. What I would try to do though is find someone you both trust and bring their opinion into things (in your favor obviously). I think most reasonable people would agree that if she has that much anxiety it's a problem and she'll be happier if she tries to get help with it.

Normally it's the kind of thing friends want to and should keep their opinions out of, but when it gets to the point of ending a relationship over it...I'd have to think that the opinions of people you respect have to have some weight for her.

Hope you get it resolved

[l3eeron]

Man, I hate to hear about my friends going through drama. My ex-wife had weird anxieties and phobias too. All anyone can do is try to help without being a nag. Relationships are so complicated, I hope you find the path to happiness. It's always a foggy travel, and no one can draw you a map.

I would make sure she knows you're willing to help make things as secure as possible so she can relax. If the dog is an issue, get it health insurance or some such gesture.


I don't know, it's tough. Good luck.

[Hamese]

I'm sorry to hear about this Mal, but I agree with Dan. If I were faced with a situation similar to yours my first step would be to bring in a third party. We are very connected at church and a pastor or leader at the church might be one of the first places that come to mind for me. If not that, then we have friends that are older and act like our counselors at times anyway.

I'm sure she can work through the anxiety, and letting her know her health and you two being together is most important to you would probably go a long way.

I wish the best for you and your wife.

[Bronze Fox]

I can't offer any adive, Mal, but I will pray for you.

[Lt.Tango]

Mal i feel for you....Me and my wife are expecting a baby girl any day now and i can tell you the last nine months have been rough. Similar this were said to me. If talking to her your self is not getting any were bring in a third party ie. Pastor counselor or Family member. Just remember you cant make her feel like you and the third party are ganging up on her. Thats the only advice i can give and it might not be the best (im not an engineer)


I truly hope things work out for you.....you have been a great friend here and I wish you the best


Lt.Tango

[metacide]

I feel bad for ya Mal. I would suggest removing the source of anxiety, the poor pug, and giving her time to get herself collected. It might just be that she's young and thinking of the future is what's causing the anxiety. If it were me and the choice were the woman I loved and my dog, I would think about it for a day or two and then probably give up the dog.
Time and understanding (and lots of attention) are usually the secrets to happiness with women.
Hope you get it sorted out buddy.

[dredfox]

In my limited experience, when somebody pushes away loved ones it is often due to fear. Generally it could be fear of rejection or fear of commitment, or even just fear of losing that person. I wish I was closer so I could give more concrete advice or support, but from what you have said here it looks as though her anxiety is making it tough for her to be close to anybody. For some people being alone is less frightening than losing a loved one. Maybe she is just afraid of losing you like she nearly lost the dog.

If this is the case, I would suggest getting a trusted friend or family member to talk to her and convince her to see a doctor about her anxiety. Anxiety on this scale needs a professional diagnosis and treatment (I certainly don't qualify to perform those.)

It may help to reassure her and remind her that you are healthy (I hope) and that you aren't sick or going away.

Above all else, be patient and tolerant. My life is filled with people who say and do hurtful things regularly. I try not to hold it against them, instead I remind myself that they are human and have the same fears and worries that we all do. Just because they don't handle these stresses in a positive way does not make them less deserving of my love and kindness.

My thoughts are with you Mal. If you need to talk, about this or anything in general, feel free to chat with me through Steam or call me at the number listed in my profile, (it should be visible, if not PM me.)

[MrBlah]

Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer, that means I solve problems. Not problems like what is Beauty Love. because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problem. For instance, how am I gunna stop some big mean mother hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind? The answer? Use a gun, and if that don't work, use more gun. Like this heavy caliber tripod mounted little old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope not pointed at you.


Sorry Mal, Im no good at this relationship stuff. Im good at the engineering stuff

[Rits]

[quote="dredfox";p="225821"]
In my limited experience, when somebody pushes away loved ones it is often due to fear. Generally it could be fear of rejection or fear of commitment, or even just fear of losing that person. I wish I was closer so I could give more concrete advice or support, but from what you have said here it looks as though her anxiety is making it tough for her to be close to anybody. For some people being alone is less frightening than losing a loved one. Maybe she is just afraid of losing you like she nearly lost the dog.
[/quote]


Good post.

I'm sorry to hear Mal. I highly do recommend talking to a pastor/leader or someone similar. I would also suggest that you let her know and reassure her that you aren't going anywhere and will support her through these tough times for her.


I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, Mal.

[v.o.c]

sorry about all that mal, i would maybe suggest trying her parents about your concerns (if they're still around) or if your really stuck for people to ask for advise may be a doctor or nurse could point you in the right direction.

[gator]

I don't have any advice unfortunately, other than to continue to be as supportive as possible while helping her work through any anxieties she has.

I wish you the best in finding a solution for your wife's anxiety, and hope you will be able to have a family together Will keep you in my prayers.

[loka]

I have anxiety, and it's not something you can force someone into to get help. Initially, it is something that either A. she will have to deal with on her own and knowing this you need to be as accommodating as possible. B. Let her get help on her own.

I'm sure she was diagnosed with anxiety initially by a doctor, but refuses to get help or has tried. It's something you're both going to have to cope with and layout boundaries. Not saying she has the full right because she doesn't, but she needs to be treated extra carefully especially if you go to a third party, she will react that you are going behind her back.

Anxiety doesn't go away, it lingers and it gets worse. Pills only subdue any potential anxiety attacks. If she has other stresses in her life it will make it 10x worse.

[Squirrel]

Get some professional help Mal. The people here at the Ville are great, but they are not going to save your marriage. I guarantee there is a lot more going on in your marriage then you may know. It’s never too late to fix and can be done if you are willing to spend the time on it.